Those Thick Lines We Call Love
by TheSlytherinMuggle
Summary: They thought I was evil, a bastard, well why not prove them right? And if they killed me, Id be more then thankful. ONESHOT HPDM


**This one-shot has been RE-EDITED! I hope this makes it more enjoyable and easier to read, bon voyage!**

Sometimes when you say hate, you mean _dislike_. And sometimes when you say like, you mean _love._ Other times when you say I'm going to kill you, you mean I'm going to hurt you and then I'm going to laugh in your face as I watch you break into shambles. But that's not what I am, when I say I hate you, I mean I hate you. When I say I love you, I mean I _love _you.

But when worst came down to worst, it turned around.

I couldn't hate them, Merlin no, Ron… well Ron was my first best friend, and Hermione was just too fragile and delicate to hate. No matter what they did to me. So I didn't hate them, I _disliked_ them. I disliked them with a passion so strong I almost _hated _them, but no, they were my family, even if they hurt me.

* * *

The shadows were always my favorite place to hide, especially the shadows in the alcove above the Great Hall entrance. No one will look for you there; it's too close to where you _should_ be, too close to what you _should_ be doing. 

"Hermione, he's gone dark! Can't you see, the way he locks himself up in his rooms and then comes out with a _Slytherin_ look in his eyes!"

You know, I never thought Ron could be that perceptive… or idiotic.

"Ron, for goodness sake, Harry isn't going evil and you are being an idiot!"

There's my rescue team, she stomped into the hall and I grinned a _Slytherin_ grin.

* * *

Did you know that when you really, truly, think about it. There is a line of love and hate, loyalty and betrayal, anger and calm, friends and enemies. And the lines are usually pretty thick and hard to cross. It's hard to start _loving_ your enemy, or being _furious_ at your best friend, it's pretty hard to start _backstabbing_ your family. But for me those lines have always seemed nonexistent. My friends decided to backstab me, my mentor betrayed me and my worst enemy was my sole anchor, ah, the irony. 

But when worst canme down to worst, it made sense.

The lines are thick as we make them, we can choose to stay as loyal as we want. Or love someone as much as we wish, we can hate someone to a certain extent because, sadly, we choose those lines.

* * *

_Slytherin. Bastard. Death-eater. Fucker. _

This is what he went through everyday, and he took it all with his head held high. Although the first one wasn't really an insult, it was more how I said it, then the word. But irony is fucked up and after everything I said to him, and everything he said to me, we fell in _love_. Or more I _loved _him, he _liked_ me. The first time we kissed he had poured his whole being into that one kiss, all his _hatred, betrayal, pain, heartache _and _love._ I had almost collapsed as his emotions filled my head, but instead my arms tightened around him, as his tightened around me. I would say that was a happy day but then it would be taken away too. So I think of it as the day he _betrayed_ me, or I _betrayed_ him. Does it matter?

* * *

Did you ever wish you could be someone else? Someone prettier, more popular, someone with more money, or more talent, someone who was more famous? I did. But I wanted to be uglier, to blend in, to be poor, and be less then nothing. Just so I could hide. People like that can just be all alone when they want and not need to be found, because no one w_ants_ to find them. I wished I was like that, until I realized that I wanted to be found, until _they_ found me and then broke me. 

But when worst came down to worst, I realized it had always been like that.

I wanted to be found so badly, with such longing that I fell in _love_ with my sworn enemy. And when I fell in love, I realized the nonsense people talk about. The float-y feeling of love, the butterflies that once calmed make you feel so _happy,_ so… _loved._ It was never like that. _Never._ It feels like someone's tearing those butterflies out of your stomach when you start to feel alright. Someone takes out of happy feeling of love and then replaces it with torture, and agony. But eventually you understand it was your fault for wanting this, _and then you fall_.

* * *

_Death-eater. Scum. Pathetic. Whore._

I had learned how to block it out, how to ignore the taunts; they had been going on for a month or so. Right after everyone found out about me and _him_. The Prince of Slytherin, the epitome of all things "evil", the one and only Draco Malfoy. Then they found out we only came out in the open because we had broke up.

"Potter, what are you doing in the shadows? Waiting for your pimp?"

I shuddered at the voice, how could they taunt me after all of this. _Hermione. Ron. Seamus. Dean._ They had been my _friends_, the people I called family, but then they _betrayed_ me, _backstabbed_ me.

"No, Ron, haven't you learned. He thinks he's too good for a pimp. That's why he dumped Draco, the poor soul."

I held in the tears, why couldn't they just leave me the hell alone.

"Did someone say my name?"

I shivered at the tone; Draco had switched to the light side after our break up and then started dating Ginny Weasly. Claiming he had loved her all along.

"The bastard is hiding in the shadows, tried to insult us, already called your mom a bitch."

I wanted to be surprised, wanted to be angry at Hermione, but I couldn't. After everything they said, everything they did, every lie that was told I was beyond surprise, beyond _anger._ I guess I was numb, but even that would be too good for me, the pathetic _whore_.

"He did, did he?"

Draco's voice was angry… _furious_, a smile made its way to my lips. I had always _loved_ the way he was when he was mad, his eyes would light with a fire so bright that it made my eyes burn a little, how, sometimes, his hair would come out of its ponytail, but I doubt he let that happen anymore.

"POTTER! I believe you've been hiding far too long in the shadows, don't you think so?"

Draco's hand grabbed my shirt and I let him, what was the point. They thought I was evil, a _bastard_, one who doesn't deserve to _live,_sometimes I thought so too; he pulled me out of my shadows, my only solace left, and I flinched. Merlin, he hadn't changed. He was still toned as ever, his hair still shined, and his eyes held the superior look all Mafloy's have. They held _love, anger, betrayal_ and somehow I knew the first one wasn't for me.

"Well if it isn't Draco Malfoy, and look-y here, little Ginny Weasly, and over there we have Hermione Granger and Ronald Weasly, oh and look, Seamus and Dean! Come here, you two rascals, dont be left behind, wouldnt want a Gryffindor leaving a Gryffindor behind, would we?"

They thought I was _evil_, a _bastard, _well why not prove them right. And if they killed me, I'd be more then thankful.

"Shut up, whore, or I'll do something to you!"

Ron said, his voice was angry, his face was red but it didn't scare me. I had seen worse, I had faced worse. But I wished I was _scared_, because that would mean that Draco hadn't just punched in the stomach and Ginny hadn't just slapped me. it would mean that I could look into Draco's eyes and see him looking back, not flinching away. But it didn't mean that. They had crossed the line, they _backstabbed_ me, _betrayed_ me, and I still loved them all.

"What will you do, Ronald, please tell me. Will you _hurt_ me, _break_ me, _betray_ me?"

I whispered to him from my place on the floor, I didn't bother getting up, what was the _point_?

"_Whore._ You're too _pathetic_ for what I can do to you. _Bastard._"

They walked off and I climbed back into the shadows. I wanted to _hate _them, to make sure they felt the _pain_ I felt. But I couldn't, I _loved _them too much. And it _hurt_.

* * *

**Completly random one-shot, hoped you like and sorry if it was confusing because I just wrote it down while listening to Right Here Waiting by Staind, it doesnt really fit but imagination doesnt have to make sense. **

**Warmest regards, **

**TheSlytherinMuggle**


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